Buddy, Can You Spare A Good Book?

I’m growing sick of the vampire as reading material. Plus the werewolves, witches and other fantasy folk who think erotica is an important plot point. I’ll do my own fooling around, thank you, which means I don’t need anyone else’s vicarious experience, all of which is simply good fodder for the Liar’s Club.
I’m a retired bookseller after about 40 years in the out of print book business. I’m running out of good books. Right now my system is to find out what the book clubs are reading – and read the opposite. If a book is award winning and recommended, I’m not interested. But I’m going through genres too fast. Like mysteries, which used to be fine, prior to the bloody serial killer necessity or the determined but preposterous cozies.
I want some evidence that the author has a sense of 1) humour, which rules out the devout catholic soccer mom series, a woman who runs around killing demons, disguised as the paperboy, the mailman, the furnace repairperson. As a metaphor, this means anyone who annoys her or gets in her way. You just hope no one takes this dumb writing seriously.
I’m looking for some real life connection, 2) a bit of memoir, disguised as fiction. Almost ‘how to. Chick Lit often fills the bill 3) minus erotica. We make the most important decisions of our lives at the time we are least equipped; Career, Marriage, Children, Education, in our mid-twenties. I’m happy to explore these
I’ve read through Austenania, glad that it has become a genre in its own right but after Georgette Heyer and all the Jane As Detective and Personal Encounters With Jane, where do you go? I’ve read the highly under-rated Georgette Heyers, all 60. Why aren’t modern authors as prolific?, 4) gripping plot, peaceful conclusion.
The supernatural’s okay when it doesn’t take itself too seriously like the odd Michelle Rowan. Christopher Moore is actually profound. But there’s not enough ‘light paranormal romps,’ around. There’s mainstream stuff with Marian Kane, Susan Isaacs, Penny Vencenzi, Janet Evanovich and the wonderful woman who wrote, ‘Shut Up & Wear Beige. Also Lee Child. Thank heavens most of them write at length and none have gone tits up after less than ten books, except for Wendy Holden whose bitterness about the rich cancels out her last two. (C’mon, Wendy, get a perspective already).
I’ve still got a bit of influence on readers. Tell me someoneI’d enjoy reading who doesn’t have a ‘smiling through tears,’ sensibility for pete sakes and sans religion please. No warm generational stories where the one wise character makes you want to smack her. No totally unbelievable predictable romances. Having said that: TELL ME WHAT TO READ??

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