School Of Life Advice Day 26 Marriage Breaks Along Core Value Lines

The Question:
My husband and I just got our tax returns for 2009 back and we got about $2,000 in combined refunds. I want to put it all in RRSPs so we can reduce the taxes we pay next year. My hubby wants to spend it, claiming it’s “extra” money we hadn’t planned on. He also says most of the refund is his anyway — though only because he claimed more of our family deductions as he made less money. How do I convince him to invest in our future instead of our present? — TAXING SPOUSE

My Answer:
Grasshoppers and ants are different colours and species for a reason. They should not marry. But since marriage is the same as merger, it is obvious that you have not done so. Of course you need to (sigh) talk but unless you can agree with grasshopper that winter will never come, you’re not looking at a whole bunch of hope here and you know it. Your ant values, so carefully taught, ensure you will never end up as bait for the fly fisherman but you have not chosen your life partner well, no matter how fun he is in the summertime. Unless he wants to hopalong and learn how life, values and finances work, you might as well go back to that ant-date-mate service and this time, be more specific about what you want.
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When values are THIS different in a relationship, unless something unforseen intervenes, there is no way the two can go forward as a couple, even maintaining separate bank accounts. This is too basic an issue for a marriage to survive. Grasshopper and ant. Prior to the wedding, this is one of the areas you’ve gotta negotiate.

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