My girlfriend smokes, but then lies about it. She says she isn’t a smoker, though she admits to the “occasional” cigarette when she’s being social. Only thing is, she’s social pretty much every day with either her colleagues, friends or family! I told her early on that I couldn’t be with a smoker in the long term and she promised me she would quit. We never put a time on it, but it’s been three years. How do I get her to butt out permanently or should I just quit her? — SMOKING MAD BEAU
Have the monologue (one person talking), you’ve been putting off and tell her smoking is a dealbreaker, that it’s not possible to hide it and not only aren’t you willing to be around it, you won’t act like a parent and help her quit. Tell her you love her and losing her hurts but she’s got her buddy, nicotine to keep her warm the rest of her short and ultimately painful life. Then leave and mean it. Don’t contact her again. But yes, live in hope. This may be the wakeup call she needs. You are proving you love her and she may finally understand that’s what you’re saying. After all, you’ll only be saving her life. (And if she comes back clean, never reproach her, dictate to her on other things or use her past as a smoker against her. Keep ON showing that you love her since you may, down the road, have the opportunity after all.
As someone who lives with a pipesmoker and doesn’t have the same problem as the unhappy boyfriend, I do understand the lure of the smoke and the craving that may last the rest of this girlfriend’s life. Her man ultimately has to be more important than her addiction. I don’t have the same hatred of the smoke as the writer though cigarettes are one thing, pipes another. (And no point in writing a comment to convince me otherwise – delete, delete, delete). Everyone’s got to decide what they can live with, life being the short, brutal thing that it is. I could’ve focused on her lying which may ultimately be the bigger issue but first she’s got to wake up to what’ she’s losing.